Passenger Pre-Flight Briefing
Back in September, I was doing my multi-engine commercial pilot training in Winter Haven, FL. The flight school paired me up with a particularly thorough examiner, and after a long oral, we walked out to find the florida weather pattern held true - the thunderstorms were rolling in rapidly.
“I think we can get the flight in,” she said, and we fired up to taxi out. The whole time I was sort of worried about the weather. We completed our run-up and I asked what schedule looked like for the next morning. Wide open. Good. Options. I went ahead and did the crew briefing for takeoff.
“What about the passenger briefing?”
“What about them?” I asked.
“You gotta tell them something!” she said. She was right. We’d missed that altogether.
“Tell you what. I don’t like this weather a bit,” I said. “Let’s go on back and get the airplane tied down before the weather hits. We’ll pick up in the morning and I’ll have a passenger brief that will water your eyes.”
Fair enough, she said.
That night, I scoured the Internet. I dug up vanilla passenger briefs that followed the rules, I dug up ones that would have passengers rolling in the aisles. I added some of my own material. When she showed up Sunday morning, I was ready.
Here goes:
•While walking around the airfield, be careful of spinning propellers and jet intakes. If somebody yells “Clear!” it means an engine will be starting very soon. Make sure you’re not near their engine. Jet intakes are similar to the Tasmanian Devil – they’re known to ingest aardvarks, antelopes, ants…. And people. Jet exhausts are dangerous for the opposite reason – their blast is powerful and hot – an easy way to get roasted, or go flying without wings. Propellers are like guillotines, and their blast is strong as well. As a general rule, stay close to me while walking out to the airplane, and you’ll be safe.
•You must have your seatbelt on during taxiing, takeoff, and landing. Ask me if you don’t know how to attach, tighten, loosen, or detach the seatbelt. I also recommend you wear the seatbelt throughout the flight in case we encounter unexpected turbulence.
•No smoking in the airplane. If you absolutely must smoke in flight, please step outside first.
•No alcohol consumption. I cannot allow you to board the aircraft if you’re already intoxicated, either.
•Keep the doors closed until I tell you it’s OK to open them.
•Note the location and operation of the normal and emergency exits. This airplane has no designated emergency exits but there are other exit options too, such as the baggage door and windows, all of which can be kicked open in a pinch.
•Don’t touch the controls without asking first, including the knobs, buttons, yoke,
pedals, and the push-to-talk button.
•In the unlikely event your seat should slip back as we take off, avoid grabbing
the yoke to drag it back.
•The airsickness bags are in the seat backs if you need them. Don’t hesitate. If you start to feel queasy tell me right away, look outside the plane, and open the nearest vent to blow air toward your face.
•Tell me if you spill a soft drink in the airplane. It happens, and I won’t be angry, but I need to know. The acids in soft drinks can attack the aluminum structure and I’ll need to do some cleaning when we land.
•If you see any other airplanes once we are off the ground please let me know. An extra pair of eyes always helps.
•For this flight, thee are restroom facilities installed at either end of the flight – at the airport. There are no toilets installed in this aircraft, so please use the facilities before departing.
•In the extremely unlikely event that we are forced to land anywhere other than an airport (and it will be obvious), I will tell you to open the door just a crack when we are 50 feet from the ground. The reason is that the forced landing may bend the aircraft and make opening the door impossible. So, you will open the door before we touch down.
•We have an intercom so that we can talk to each other through our headsets. When I push the button on the control yoke, and I’m talking to the tower or to other airplanes, anything you say will be broadcast, too. I have the ability to isolate myself from your conversation if Air Traffic Control demands my full attention – or if I’m sick of hearing who’s sleeping with whom on your favorite soap opera. If you need to talk to me and it appears obvious I’m not hearing you, a simple tap on my shoulder will get my attention.
•If you have any questions don’t hesitate to ask now or during the flight. The only time I can’t talk with you is during takeoff and landing.
She pitched a fit - and told the flight school to keep my brief in the plane as an example to other students. I passed.